Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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