so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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