The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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