He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
