I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
