So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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