there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize