I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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