Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
