Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There r osticjed everywhere
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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