just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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