The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
