so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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