we have officially lost it.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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