If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
