we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize