Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Terrible idea I love it
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
