All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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