sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
