the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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