maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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