I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
