OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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