never play flip cup with pint glasses
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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