Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
