I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
