She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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