9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
