yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
