we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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