i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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