I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
