I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
