so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
