You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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