I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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