I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
