I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
