I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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