I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
