I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
