i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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