McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
