Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
