just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
