i may or may not be watching the land before time
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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