Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
