Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
