So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
