I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Randomize
