To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
