My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize