I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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