You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
All the doctor said was why
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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