Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
