Swine flu. Run for my life!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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