erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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