Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
