maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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