i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
