the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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