hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize