She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
