u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i think i have herpe
just one?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
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