I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
