last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
