I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize