U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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