dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
