Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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