is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She needs sedatives and a leash
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize