When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
