I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
This is classic penis vs brain.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
