Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
