Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Your cock deserves a montage
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
