My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Randomize
