I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
