She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
