It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
