Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
