Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
