this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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