This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
