If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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