Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize