He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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