new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
