Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
