If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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