We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Boobs are out for the taking
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
