I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
