I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize