Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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