I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
