I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
These tits shall not be calmed
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
