there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
