how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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