My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
