Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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