haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
