Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize