Apparently you make a good broom.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
