Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
ok first of all what the fuck
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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