went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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