The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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