oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Did I show you my penis last night?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
