dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
