Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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