I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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