My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
