The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
