WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize