Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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