I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
