i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
