im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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