i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
MIDGETS
????
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
