there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
