Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
