Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
people are starting to question the shark bite story
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
