not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
