That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
