I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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