Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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