Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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