i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
