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• (518): View more from New York

  haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting

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• (925): View more from California

  and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.

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• (808): View more from Hawaii

  drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night

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• (206): View more from Washington

  You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..

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• (925): View more from California

  I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My vibrator challenges you to a duel.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.

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• (707): View more from California

  I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!

  (1-416): View more from Toronto

  Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken

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• (408): View more from California

  It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him

  (347): View more from New York

  Where do you find these people?

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important

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