he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
