How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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