dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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