saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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