so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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